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Dear G,

Heard this song and well, it..................

Leave me dreaming on the bed, see you right back here tomorrow, for the next round.

Keep this scene inside your head, as the bruises turn to yellow, and the swelling goes down.

And if you're ever around,

in the city or the suburbs,

of this town,

Be sure to come around,

I'll be wallowing in sorrow, wearing a frown, like pierrot the clown.

Saw you crashing 'round the bay, never seen you act so shallow, or look so brown.

Remembered all the things you'd say, how your promises went hollow, as you threw me to the ground.

And if you're ever around,

in the backstreets or the alleys, of this town.

Be sure to come around,

I'll be wallowing in pity, wearing a frown,

like pierrot the clown.

When i dream, i dream of your lips,

when i dream, i dream of your kiss,

when i dream, i dream of your fists, your fists, your fists...

Leave me bleeding on the bed, see you right back here tomorrow, for the next round.

Keep this scene inside your head, as the bruises turn to yellow, and the swelling goes down..

And if you're ever around,

in the city or the suburbs, of this town,

be sure to come around,

I'll be wallowing in sorrow,

wearing a frown,

like pierrot the clown,

pierrot the clown,

pierrot the clown,

pierrot the clown,

pierrot the clown.

............it sort of reminds me of you/ us but I don't know why. I don't remember what happened between us. I know it hurt a lot (still does) but I don't remember things. Please get in touch and fill me in as there are so many holes in my memory. Soooo many holes. Including one in my heart, that won't be filled until you find me and explain everything.

G, I need you to find me now and help me. Because I can't take not knowing any more. I am ready. I am ready. I am ready. To know the truth about us, face the consequences and deal with the aftermath. I am ready.

Please forgive me for my moment of weakness, and just get back to me. The past is the past. Do you want me down on my knees and begging?

Come on, you know it's time we found each other. Together it will be so much better. We will be stronger. I can't take being this apart. I need you to hold my shaking hand. To wipe away my tears. To be my rock to lean on when my head starts spinning.

I realise now, where I've been going wrong. Ive been searching for my Tin Man, when actually you're all 3 of them combined; my strength, my courage and that piece of heart that will fill that hole you left. When are you going to come down, G?

Dear G,

I feel that you're getting closer every day. I can feel you in the air, in all the people that I meet, in all their faces and their smiling, crinkly eyes. I see you in everyone and in everything. Even the litter on the streets acts as a sign of you. It's like some strange game of Easter Egg hunting and the prize is you.

Did you know I got a new dog? His name is Tyson and he's beautiful and he's helping me with my search for you. He leaves lots of pee-mail about on the trees and lamposts, so im hoping you can track us down through that. or vice versa.

I wish we'd had more time together, back then. To say the words that we wanted to say. To really be honest about our feelings. But time and the world were against us. Weren't they?

I don't know when I'll be able to write next. I don't know anything at the moment, it's all so uncertain. Up in the air as you would say.

I miss you, G. With all my heart, I miss you. Please find me soon.
Love always,
anka xxx

Dear G,

I miss you so much lately, it's squeezing my heart. OR like there's no air in the room and I'm slowly suffocating away. OR like a plant thirsty for some water.

I miss you Uncle G, with all my heart.

Please come HOME soon, we're all be waiting for you.

Love always,
anka xxx

Dear G,

Found this today, and it made me think of you. Don't know why:

Lyrics from Cry Ophelia by Song artist Adam Cohen:

You've been working hard, just to ___________________ the _______________ Trying to draw the line between who you are and who you inv(ent ) So you want to learn how to live your life without years, But we've been trying to do that for thousands of tears.

So I'll watch more carefully what rolls of my tongue, You find a rose, cut your finger on the thorn......................... So go ahead and cry Ophelia........................it's the only thing to do sometimes.

I don't cry so much these days. I don't know if that's good or bad anymore. I don't know.

Love you lots, anka xxx

P.S

I love you!

Dear G,

Just a really quite note to say I'm sorry that I've not been writing lately....things have just been CRAZYYYYYYYY lately. Fun but craaaaaazzzzzzyyyyyyy (is my life, haha).

Anyway, I promise to write properly soon once i am more CALM (and assertive),

Love you lots, always,
anka xxx